The computer generated cop speaks out!
HOST: Good evening, ladies and gents, welcome to our show...Our guest once again is Officer "Hands Tied", who was the center figure in a high-priced political campaign by the RPOA Political Action Committee against Measure II. Though given the success of the campaign to place the CPRC in the city charter, speculation has been raised among several circles that Officer "Hands Tied" was really working for the other side.
Now upon the revelation by the Washington Post that the source "Deep Throat" who exposed Watergate, is really an ex-#2 man in the FBI, Officer "Hands Tied" was contacted by this show to provide expert analysis.
HOST: Is that true, Officer?
OFFICER: Hell no, I could get my brand new BMW convertable keyed for that!
HOST: What do you think of Deep Throat?
OFFICER: Hell of a flick. Got the unrated DVD.
HOST: I mean the former FBI agent who just admitted that he was the source of the information Woodward and Bernstein received for their stories on Watergate.
OFFICER: You mean the snitch? If he'd worked for us, we'd put dead frogs in his car, stink bombs..that kind of stuff. You have to send the right message to these traitorous malcontents.
HOST: Some might look at him as being a hero. There was some bad stuff going on at that hotel.
OFFICER: Is Benedict Arnold a hero? You can't be telling the world our business.
HOST: Okay, gotcha. So....what do you think of the State Attorney General?
OFFICER: You mean, the carpetbagger from the North. *shrugs* Next year, he's gone and we are going to paaaaaarty.
HOST: What about the kinder, gentler police department?
OFFICER: Reform is for wusses. Sure, we got us some nice toys, except for those dang audiorecorders. Of course, that's nothing that a good elbow block won't fix. But the tasers are kind of coool.
HOST: So no racial profiling?
OFFICER: You mean criminal profiling, of course. That's good police work. Community policing and all that. Some people complain too much. We listen to them a few years, but then it's back to business. We've got stuff to do. We can't win everyone over. *shrug*
Now upon the revelation by the Washington Post that the source "Deep Throat" who exposed Watergate, is really an ex-#2 man in the FBI, Officer "Hands Tied" was contacted by this show to provide expert analysis.
HOST: Is that true, Officer?
OFFICER: Hell no, I could get my brand new BMW convertable keyed for that!
HOST: What do you think of Deep Throat?
OFFICER: Hell of a flick. Got the unrated DVD.
HOST: I mean the former FBI agent who just admitted that he was the source of the information Woodward and Bernstein received for their stories on Watergate.
OFFICER: You mean the snitch? If he'd worked for us, we'd put dead frogs in his car, stink bombs..that kind of stuff. You have to send the right message to these traitorous malcontents.
HOST: Some might look at him as being a hero. There was some bad stuff going on at that hotel.
OFFICER: Is Benedict Arnold a hero? You can't be telling the world our business.
HOST: Okay, gotcha. So....what do you think of the State Attorney General?
OFFICER: You mean, the carpetbagger from the North. *shrugs* Next year, he's gone and we are going to paaaaaarty.
HOST: What about the kinder, gentler police department?
OFFICER: Reform is for wusses. Sure, we got us some nice toys, except for those dang audiorecorders. Of course, that's nothing that a good elbow block won't fix. But the tasers are kind of coool.
HOST: So no racial profiling?
OFFICER: You mean criminal profiling, of course. That's good police work. Community policing and all that. Some people complain too much. We listen to them a few years, but then it's back to business. We've got stuff to do. We can't win everyone over. *shrug*
posted by Five Before Midnight | 4:05 PM
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